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Joke of the Day

"I got an allergic reaction to peanuts. Then I got sued by TheFineBros."

"A catholic priest is drowning - if only he had a buoy to hold onto"

"saw someone spill their high end juice cleanse all over the sidewalk and now I know god is on my side"

"How does an insane man get through the forest? By taking the psychopath. hhhhehehhehe good one right? yeh? no..? ok."

"This girl came up to me today, and claimed she knew me from her vegetable club. I'd never met herbivore."

"Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because he's a fucking creep"

"I was so poor, we couldn't afford a bidet. I had to do hand stands in the shower."

"*Chooses paper towels instead of the hand dryer right as a tree walks into the bathroom*"

"Turns out HR doesn't care if it's national underwear day, you have to wear pants to work."

"Why do Native Americans hate snow? 'cause it's white and all over their fucking land!"