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Joke of the Day

"I got an allergic reaction to peanuts. Then I got sued by TheFineBros."

"Mesut Ozil was quoted as saying ""I want to help Arsenal win trophies."" So when does the rest of the Real Madrid squad arrive with you?"

"What did the apple tell the annoying orange? Citrus down."

"""Here, drink this."" - Me speed dating."

"Want to hear a good pee joke? Well urine luck."

"Me: Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know. Waiter: I asked if you were dining alone. Me: Oh, sorry. Yes."

"What does anal sex and broccoli have in common? If you're forced to try it as a kid.. you probably wont like it as an adult."

"I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck. My wife still came home. Superstitions are stupid."

"I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today... I had to drop the bomb two or three times for her to get the message though."

"A banker broke up with his girlfriend... He lost interest."