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Joke of the Day

"year 39, month 3: woke up a sentient tangle of meat and calcium again"

"Lazlo's Chinese relativity axiom No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats-approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less,"

"I almost had a threesome yesterday... i just needed two more people."

"Might see you guys in 15-25yrs. Weekend with my folks & it's only a matter of time before I snap."

"What do ladles and crackwhores have in common? They come in multiple sizes and move a lot of hot fluids."

"Why did the chicken cross the road I parked across from the grocery store."

"I asked a guy at the gym how to use a piece of equipment. ""Just push the button,"" he replied, ""Like you would with any other hand dryer."""

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? I wouldn't pay $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"I need to buy a new inflatable love doll. The one I have now is almost full."

"What do you call a Nazi's concealed weapon? Auschwitz blade!"