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Joke of the Day
"90% of owning a dog is telling it to stop barking."
Next Joke
"Which part of your body shuts down last when you die? The eyes, cause they di-late."
"May you never leave your marriage alive."
"According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your hotness with me."
"Genie: ""You have 3 wishes."" Ian: ""I wish for everyone to be equal."" Genie: ""Okay. You have no wishes."""
"What do you call a necrophiliacs erection? Mourning wood."
"When your mate says his name is Stephen with a 'ph' to the cashier and he gets his Starbucks cup back reading 'PHEVEN'. That."
"""PARKOUR!"" - me, after tripping over nothing on the sidewalk"
"Dreams can come true. For example, One night I dreamed that I was poor, sad and alone after three months the dream come true."
"There is no law stating that you have to explain why you're carrying a purse full of hair when going through security."