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Joke of the Day

"On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Obsessed am I with Harry Potter? 9 3/4 *Credit goes to a tee shirt I saw. I'm not that witty.*"

"BREAKING: An egg. I'm making scrambled eggs."

"What disease do you get from kissing birds? Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. They say it's untweetable."

"I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken, and hooked up with a girl dressed as an egg. Things happened but in the end, we answered a life-long question... The chicken came first."

"A guy walks into a bar -- and sustains a mild concussion."

"I like my women like i like my upvotes. Under 16 and being fucked with by people online."

"String theory? It's more than just a theory, dude. String is real."

"12 year old girls are an untapped market."

"Crap happens Called in sick to work cause I had a stomach ache and felt constipated. Got fired. Couldn't give a crap even if I wanted to."

"What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawkings after a house fire."