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Joke of the Day

"The sign said, ""Call Jesus for help."" The next day I had a Mexican guy mowing my lawn."

"Hi. This is my first time at yoga. When I called they said to bring a Matt. *points at man standing next to her* Now what do we do with him?"

"How many Communists does is take to screw in a light bulb? All of them."

"Apparently ""I don't like scary movies,"" is not an appropriate response to being asked to watch a wedding video."

"My tombstone will just say ""Deactivated."" I want people to be afraid that I could come back."

"In a hurry? I'll tell you a joke about my penis. It's short."

"I've always thought that the phrases 'I'm sorry' and 'I apologise' meant the same thing Until I went to a funeral"

"Those signs that say ""Slow children playing"" When they grow up become ""Slow men working"""

"What do a midget and a dwarf have in common? Very little."

"Apparently asking the boss "" who ignited the fuse on your tampon?"" will get you sent to HR."