157527

Joke of the Day

"When I meet women, I immediately start talking about global warming. It's a real icebreaker."

"/r/badplumbing is leaking"

"Ian: ""I baked you a pie to say sorry for backing over your cat in my car."" Tim: ""You did what?!"" Ian: ""Baked you a pie."""

"Why did Helen Keller's dog kill himself? You would too if your name was MMMHHHUUHH"

"There's a lot of talk surrounding the EU referendum at the moment. We've already heard from the boss' of JCB and Dyson; I'm just waiting to hear from Durex and their opinions on us pulling out."

"If you stand next to a fatter person you look better. That's why I work at Burger King."

"How does a butcher introduce his wife to his friends? ""Meet Patty"""

"[Starbucks meeting] ME: Sorry I'm ""latte"" haha BOSS: Aren't you the guy we fired for biting a customer"

"Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time."

"I worked as a programmer for autocorrect but the fried me for no raisin #PunYourJob"