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Joke of the Day

"Just bought a Subaru & it came with wet rescue dog nose marks on the windows, some pot & Whole Foods environmentally friendly shopping bags."

"What gets less rain than the Sahara Desert? The sun!"

"Fannee Doolee loves sleep, but she doesn't love bedtime. Why do you think that is? Because Fannee Doolee has crippling anxiety, and falling asleep reminds her of her inevitable death."

"It's too beautiful to stay inside today. That's why I moved my bed closer to the window."

"Slash: Ok whats Paradise City like? Izzy: Pretty girls? ""Yeah!"" Axl: Nice lawns! ""Huh?"" Axl: Green grass! ""Grass is alw-"" Axl: JUST WRITE IT"

"Hold me closer, tiny dancer. Oh my... not that close. I can't breathe. How are you so strong? LET ME GO TINY DANCER"

"What's three feet tall and can't turn around in a hallway? A toddler with a harpoon in it's throat."

"What was the most popular TV show in Ancient Rome and Germany in early AD? Whose Rhine Is It Anyway?"

"What do you call it when someone forces you to watch them take their clothes off? A power strip."

"The thing I love most about this summer weather is the short shorts and tube tops.. ... Though, they do make me look a bit gay."