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Joke of the Day

"Water into wine? I just turned my paycheck into vodka. Your move, Jesus."

"I used to pay out of pocket for Viagra... it was hard for a long time"

"What was the warlock's favorite cookbook? The Necronomnomnomicon."

"Note to self Don't buy one."

"I'm like that guy at the beginning of infomercials that is unable to do simple shit, i just burns everything and i cant figure out blankets."

"This lady went to ISIS to convince her son who joined them to come back home She will beheading home soon"

"What's the name of the strongest duck out there? PSYtama."

"Why is Jennifer Lawrence the only one freaking out about the nude photo leak? Because she's the only one with a fat load on her face."

"friendship is so weird.. you just pick a human you've met and you're like ""yup I like this one"" and you just do stuff with them"

"What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman? Wait, I can explain everything!"