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Joke of the Day

"I'm like that guy at the beginning of infomercials that is unable to do simple shit, i just burns everything and i cant figure out blankets."

"What's long and hard and full of seamen? A submarine"

"I saw an advert for a Michael Jackson figurine, and at the end of the advert it said... ...not suitable for children, colours may vary."

"I choked on a carrot earlier and all I could think of is that a donut wouldn't have done that to me."

"The question is not ""Why is Instagram not working?"", but ""Why does the world need another picture of you?"" #instagramnotworking"

"The chances of Donald Trump being elected."

"What's the difference between America and yoghurt? If you leave yoghurt alone for long enough it develops its own culture"

"Pedophiles may be bad people... ... but at least they drive slow through the school zones"

"Shortest joke I know. Dwarf shortage."

"What type of bagel can fly? A plain bagel"