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Joke of the Day

"Cops: You were driving while intoxicated nnMe: I was in no condition to walk"

"Oh you like Oreos? Name five of their albums. And I'm talking their obscure shit like watermelon, none of this main stream birthday cake shi"

"Jill on Facebook is trying to find a way to get cat diarrhea out of suede boots and I don't think I'm hungry for lunch anymore. ."

"This blonde is so stupid she called me to get my telephone number!"

"how do you make pickle bread? with dill dough"

"Went to the doctors and told him l was suffering from premature ejaculation. He asked how does your wife feel about it? I said she took it on the chin the first time but now its getting on her tits..."

"Did you know lesbians almost never cook for themselves? They prefer eating out."

"Sorry I ate all your cake after you passed out and then drew your angry eyebrows on so you'd be ready to discuss it when you woke up."

"Body Glitter: For the girl who wants to leave a sparkling trail of daddy issues everywhere she goes"

"I was arrested for washing my pants without taking the cash out of my pockets. They charged me for laundering money."