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Joke of the Day
"This blonde is so stupid she called me to get my telephone number!"
Next Joke
"At school the other kids used to push me around and call me lazy I loved that wheelchair."
"What's Captain America's shield made out of? What's Captain America's shield made of? Vibranium. What's Hawkeye's shield made of? Quicksilver."
"What do you call a girl on her period? Call her next week."
"For two years in high school, I took guitar lessons. Something interesting I learned is that guitar resale nets a 45% loss."
"I'm crowd funding an organic lettuce purchase from Whole Foods."
"Good friends don't let you do dumb things... alone."
"My friends are like the square root of -1 They're imaginary."
"What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4? 3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: ""and YOU'RE the math guy!"" >_< Burned.)"
"My girlfriend wants me to stain the new wooden fence in her backyard. So I'm going to eat spaghetti over it for a few weeks"