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Joke of the Day

"""This surgical knife isn't sharp,"" ...Dr. Swiftie said bluntly."

"What's 9 and a half inches long and satisfies all c*nts? An iPad."

"I Finally Chose a College Major... Me: Dad, I think I want to go to college for botany. Dad: Are you sure? What made you interested in that? Me: Well it is a growing field."

"What do you call a bouncer at a.. What do you call a bouncer at a gay bar? A flame thrower."

"Sunscreen isn't very effective... It didn't protect Steve Irwin from harmful Rays"

"I'm tired of saving Daylight... You would think that saving his ass every year you would at least deserve a 'thank you'"

"I like coffee like I like slaves. Free"

"I look forward to using the phrase ""I'm gonna fuck you til you're pregnant!"" in bed when we decide to have kids."

"I got a text from an unknown number that said ""Game on."" It's either a wrong number, or someone wants to wear my skin like a suit."

"Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He's never gonna give you up."