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Joke of the Day

"My smart phone has a lot of capabilities, but none as valuable as being able to pretend I'm on it when I run into someone I know in public."

"What does the Mexican kid say as his homework flys out of the window? Ayyee essay, where are you going?"

"Just changed my Facebook name to No one' so when.. Just changed my Facebook name to No one' so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say No one likes this'."

"What's long, green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger."

"If there's three people, it's usually a threesome. If there's two people, it's called a twosome. And if a guy is single? He's usually called handsome."

"Donald Tump and Hilary Clinton are stranded on a Island, who do thy save first? America"

"Whenever I leave a fancy restaurant I tell the people coming in ""I recommend the squirrel""."

"Give a man a fish, sickening him with botulism which spreads rapidly, people begin dying in droves, STACKS OF CORPSES BLOT OUT THE SUN."

"""Be there in 5."" - liars"

"My mother was feeling cold so now I'm wearing a sweater."