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Joke of the Day

"I watched an entire movie with my daughter without checking Twitter once. I got this addiction beat. Now how do I stop the twitching?"

"What did the zombie farmer say he wanted? Grrraaaaiiinnns..."

"How many Scots didn't turn up to vote? One in Fife"

"What's the difference between a four year old and a baggie of cocaine? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a baggie of cocaine fall out the window."

"What do you get when you cross a cat and a wild boar? Revocation of your grant money and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee."

"Hitler is judged very harshly by history, but... He did kill Hitler. Joke credit to Jimmy Carr on QI"

"What is a cucumber and a dolphin doing in the same room? Sushi"

"What is the difference between a woman and a forklift? There is none. In both cases, if you don't have one, you unload by hand."

"There are three types of people in this world... those who can count, and those who can't."

"Ever hear the one about the deaf guy? Neither did he."