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Joke of the Day

"""Are you smarter than a 5th grader?"" Me: ""Sometimes?"" ""Are you smarter than a 16 year old?"" Me: ""Always."""

"When watching Michael Jackson's coffin being pushed away by the Jackson Brothers, was anybody else reminded of those two words... Cool Runnings."

"[doorbell] ""Sir, do you believe Jesus died for your sins?"" ""No."" ""Why not?"" ""He died like 2000 years ago."" ""So?"" ""I'm 46. Do the math."""

"My wife told me she wanted the body of a stripper. But she screamed when I brought her one."

"Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today."

"A tourist tried to visit a nudist beach only to discover it was blocked off. He asked the local lisping lifeguard of the beach, ""You open?"" The lifeguard responded, ""Sorry, we're clothed."""

"Why do Scottish men watch porno movies backwards? Because they like the scenes where the prostitutes return the money to their clients."

"What do you get when you cross and owl with a bungee chord? My ass"

"How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb? Mind yer own fuckin' business!"

"How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician ? Just ask them to read this word: unionized."