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Joke of the Day

"[3rd grade] bae: come over me: no bae: my parents aren't home. me: but we're only 7, that's awful parenting. bae: but- me: AWFUL. PARENTING."

"""And why did you join our gym?"" to stay healthy a friend recommended it I've seen myself naked"

"You guys want to hear a joke? Women's rights."

"Chewbacca Twat If Chewbacca had a Twatt would it be considered a Chwat?"

"If there's another explanation for my gray hairs other than I'm turning into a polar bear, I don't want to hear it. Don't ruin this for me."

"Found an old Tom Jones CD and my underwear drawer flew wide open and all my undies threw themselves at my stereo."

"""911 what's your emergency"" IM DYING ""what happened"" I GOT STABBED LIKE 3 TIMES ""lol pics or didn't happen"""

"""You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"" ""Mister President, we've been over this..."""

"That old man reminds me of your puppy... They're both probably going to die within 20 years."

"[NSFW] What is the best engine ever made in this world? A vagina! 1. It takes any size pistons. 2. It auto lubricates itself 3. every 28 days it performs automatic oil changes."