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Joke of the Day

"[3rd grade] bae: come over me: no bae: my parents aren't home. me: but we're only 7, that's awful parenting. bae: but- me: AWFUL. PARENTING."

"I like my women how I like my computer. On my lap. Turned on. Virus free."

"Whose elbows are ashier than everyone else's? The Jews."

"i have two moods: sleep is for the weak sleeping for a week"

"Why did the bigamist cross the road? To get to the other bride."

"Girlfriend told me she wanted to see our kids so I came in her eye"

"Survival Tip: If confronted by a dinosaur while hiking, politely but firmly explain that it is extinct."

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? One but he must consult the DSM-IV."

"What dog sweats the most and drinks the most water? A hot-weiler!"

"Did you hear the energizer bunny was arrested? He went to court and was charged with battery."