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Joke of the Day

"I used to care... what people in the adjacent bathroom stalls thought of me, but now, I don't give a shit"

"I was going to write a joke... but I'm not that funny."

"Despite whatever Gene Simmons says, Chuck Norris IS Doctor Love."

"Caught out in the wilderness without any toilet paper? Just take a leaf out of Bear Gryll's book... Edit: Spelling"

"I'll call it a ""smart phone"" the day I yell, ""Where's my freaking phone?!"" and it answers, ""I'm here! Under your jacket!"""

"""I just love a girl in uniform"" Appropriate on the battlefield, but not at your local schoolyard."

"What do nine out of ten people like? Gang rape."

"All I got for my last birthday was a pack of sticky playing cards. I found it really hard to deal with."

"[Michael Cera melting like a slug because there's too much salt on his fries]"

"9: Why are you hitting that spider? wife: I don't like spiders me: Ooooh *grabs newspaper* mother-in-law [leaving] I don't have to take this"