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Joke of the Day

"Anyone know if Hallmark makes a ""Sorry about your miscarriage, but it was my first time playing Bocce Ball"" card?"

"What's Hitler's favorite videogame? Mein Kraft."

"I followed this woman on a bike with an empty baby seat for a half a mile yelling, ""your baby jumped out!"" before she gave me the finger."

"I don't see what's so offensive about calling someone from Pakistan a Paki... It's like calling someone from Scotland a Scot, an Australian an Aussie or someone from France a cunt"

"What are you doing? I'm trying to call Washington! Oh haven't you heard? He's dead!"

"""Flight 1234 are you ready to copy holding instructions?"" ""Center make that request on the next frequency...."""

"My girlfriend and my motorcycle have something in common. The faster I accelerate the ride, the more likely I am to break my crotch."

"I think I'm emotionally constipated ...I haven't given a shit in days. (my daughter told me this just now new to me, hope it's new to you too)"

"The Grammar Nazis burst in. ""We know you're harbouring Jews, Mrs Gies"" ""There ain't no Jews here!"" ""Double negative! Search the attic, boys"""

"I have a friend called Rick that was recently turned into cotton... we have to call him Threadrick now. I thought of this joke on the way to buy my lunch today, I hope it's not already been made."