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Joke of the Day

"Mom writes to her son in Poland's army: ""Dear Son, I am writing this letter ever so slowly..... ....because I know you cannot read fast"""

"Woman is at a maternity hospital in a lot of pain. Her husband strokes her back and says, ""I'm sorry sweety, you have to go through this"" She says, ""Don't worry. It's not your fault."""

"You know you're too drunk to drive when... The tree you swerved for is actually the air-freshener."

"I never ask for people to send me thoughts & prayers but, while sitting at Starbucks a man standing behind me farted on my shoulder."

"Did you hear that the guys from ""The Expendables"" are doing a movie about classical composers? Arnold Schwarzenegger has already signed up, and said ""I'll be Bach."""

"Have you ever had sex while camping? Its fucking intents!"

"Monica Lewinsky released a statement on Hillary Clinton's run for president ""I will not vote for Hillary,"" she said. ""The last Clinton president left a bad taste in my mouth."""

"What does my brothers wife and a Chevrolet have in common? They're both extremely high maintenance"

"Guide to DIY: 1. Double the cost estimate. 2. Double the time it should take. 3. Live with it for 3 months 4. Hire someone to fix it."

"It's so expensive ""How much do the potatoes cost?"" - ""2.50."" - ""And the bag?"" - ""The bag is free."" - ""Ok, give me the bag."""