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Joke of the Day

"Rumours suggest Usain Bolt has been cheating on his wife. I'm amazed she hasn't caught him. Then I remembered that he can finish in 9.58 seconds."

"I have a dog with no legs. His name is Cigarette because I have to take him out for a drag."

"My doctor told me I have 2 months to live So I shot him and the judge gave me 30 years"

"Please ignore this status..... I am standing in public alone and I don't want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting."

"HOW TO BEAT YOUR COMPUTER AT CHESS WITHIN 5 SECONDS: just set the difficulty to OBAMA.It will never come up with a strategy."

"Darth Vader is not that bad... he is the first black guy to admit he is the father."

"I'm not excel-ent in my job but at least .. I know my sheet."

"I'm on the steak diet. You just have four steaks for breakfast, four for lunch, then a sensible dinner of six steaks."

"You may call it ""alcohol abuse"" but I've never heard alcohol complain."

"[after moving into a haunted house] *setting up potters wheel* OH NO WHO WILL HELP ME LEARN POTTERY *sitting in silence for 40mins*"