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Joke of the Day

"Heading upstairs to bed last night I started to pull my boxers off... The wife said 'You spoil them dogs!'"

"Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat."

"Chuck Norris once threw a grenade killing 50 people Then the grenade exploded"

"Yo mama is so fat that we were unable to put her under for the surgery. I'm sorry, there's nothing we could do."

"I suppose I should be thankful that I'm a single adult. Life would be much more complicated if I were multiple adults."

"Getting pulled over Officer (*Walks over*) Officer -I'm going to ask you to step out of the car for a sobriety test. Me (*Presses tits together*) Me -How about now? Officer -Sir, get out of the car."

"If two vegans have an argument... is it still considered beef?"

"[obama cures cancer, invents hoverboards, saves baby by killing 3 lions with a flurry of devastating headbutts] Americans: LION KILLER OMG"

"BREAKING: Polaroid photo taken. More on this story as it develops."

"I don't watch World Cup soccer. If I wanted to see grown men struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd go to a bar."