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Joke of the Day

"[speed dating] ME: I like your hair HER: OK ME: And your teeth are so smiley HER: You know this is a job interview, right? ME: *rings bell*"

"*gets home from game* ""whoa what happened to your eye"" I was on the Kiss Cam ""oh she wasn't into it?"" with the t-shirt cannon guy's daughter"

"I like my beer the same way I like my violence... Domestic."

"How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? You suck his cock!"

"Why couldn't the Gorilla pitcher make it in the major leagues? His balk was worse than his bite!"

"The American school system is a lot like an EA game... It's mostly broken and if you pay more money you can access things that make you have an advantage over everyone else."

"There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman before marriage and after marriage."

"Donald Tump and Hilary Clinton are stranded on a Island, who do thy save first? America"

"This girl said ""she didn't know how I would take it..."" So I figured if anything I'd just give it back."

"Do you want to hear a joke about sodium? Na"