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Joke of the Day

"If trump gets elected can we make a show similar to the apprentice but when Trump says ""your fired"" he sends a nuclear missile at a country."

"Sex can burn 200 calories an hour. I better go on a diet."

"You know, it's not the length of the vector that counts... it's how you apply the force."

"I just went to church and had communion. Ok it was a gas station and I had 2 donuts but I did say a prayer before scratching my lotto ticket"

"One time I described myself as ""laid back"" and a dictionary became sentient and told me to learn what words mean"

"I don't know who won the debate tonight but I do know who lost... The American people :("

"This just in! A truckload of wigs has lost control and tipped over on the highway........Police are still combing the area."

"[sees kid crying in the mall] ""What's wrong?"" ""I'm lost."" ""You're in the mall you little idiot."""

"Where do Chicago football fans buy engagement rings? De Beers"

"You could make a whole biopic about my life using only the infomercial footage of people unable to perform simple tasks for no reason."