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Joke of the Day

"You know, it's not the length of the vector that counts... it's how you apply the force."

"I like being handcuffed, but not plant heroin in my car, handcuffed."

"Why is a duck when it's round? Because the farther it flies, the fewer."

"What is the difference between a whore and a bitch? A whore will have sex with anybody, a bitch will have sex with anybody except you."

"I once played golf with a Kiwi The RSPCA showed up the next day."

"The cat puked all over the bath mat so I just tossed it into the trash can. Then I put the bath mat in the washer."

"I like my coffee like I like my women Ground up and in the fridge."

"Me: Shhh, your brother is still sleeping. 4yo: *runs upstairs CRASH JUMP ""Wake up!"" SLAM *runs back downstairs ""No, he's not."""

"My goal weight: To not look like a ""before"" picture."

"Why don't black people dream? The last person that said ""i had a dream"" got shot"