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Joke of the Day

"I owe so much to X-men, the movie that taught me it was ok to be a terrifying mutant"

"Husband, Wife and Doctor Joke Doctor: Your husband needs a proper rest. Here are some sleeping tablets. Woman: When will he have these? Doctor: It's for you, not for him."

"I heard George Michael choked on a chocolate bar Careless Wispa"

"Jan 1st, 2017: I'm finally going to start learning guitar. haha only kidding I'll probably just ride out my current interests until I die."

"What do you call a Transformer that's also an optometrist? Oculus Prime."

"Have you ever met a person, & knew straight away that they were 'the one'? Yah. I had to take a restraining order out too."

"What's the difference between a bicycle and a black man? A bike doesn't start singing when you put chains on it."

"Before encouraging everyone to ""do whatever makes you happy,"" ask if anyone is a sadist. Don't encourage the sadists."

"I thought this guy on the subway was yawning. Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a tack."

"So this guy goes to the Dr. And the Dr says ""You have to stop masturbating."" the guy says ""Why?"" And the Dr says ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""