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Joke of the Day

"Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock? So he could wake up inside."

"I'm really disappointed that Jill Stein is not the female Wallstreet-corporate puppet of the 2016 US Presidential election... As I'll never get to use the term ""shill Stein"""

"People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away."

"""Can I get you to-"" YES! ""Great! Here it-"" I'LL DO IT! ""Don't you want to-"" MAKE THE CHECK OUT TO... - Adam Sandler being handed a script"

"I got invited to a block party recently. I show up, blocks EVERYWHERE."

"I saw a gay midget the other day I thought wow that's a little queer"

"The queen honey bee has sex with up to 40 males a day. Just like your mom."

"What do you call 10 Ethiopians tied together? A raft"

"I don't drink water, unless it's been through a brewery first."

"What's the difference between a bull and a Samsung Note 7? I'm not scared when the bull charges"