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Joke of the Day

"How do you make a hormone? Just don't pay her"

"In British Columbia, why can't you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg? Because he wooden like it."

"What was Arnold Schwarzenegger's answer when asked which historical person he would like to play in a movie? I'll be Bach."

"The families in Eggo commercials live in nice houses and appear wealthy. Why are they always fighting over one shitty frozen waffle?"

"If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple ""Thank you"" would be nice... ...None of that ""How did you get into my house?"" business."

"I wouldn't take a bullet for you but I'd definitely push someone in front of you to take it for you. Same thing."

"A wizard walks into a gay bar... ...And disappears with a poof."

"Why did the chicken say, ""Meow, oink, bow-wow, moo?"" He was studying foreign languages."

"I was tasked with ordering coffee supplies for the office... I sent an email to all the staff asking if they wanted flavored creamers or regular creamers. Their answers were half-and-half."

"How about a superhero whose power is TAKING CARE OF HIS KIDS *high-fives Maury audience while Batman storms off*"