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Joke of the Day

"Her: I saw this Yoda pen & I thought of you. Me: WHY? YOU THINK I'M 8 OR SOMETHING? Her: No, sorry... Me: Hey, hey, hey! Leave the pen."

"If Sesame Street were real, and I went there, and I saw those things, I would shit my pants."

"Would a gay shop owner decline service to straights? No, because gay people aren't fucking assholes"

"Coke Zero Pepsi One Well played Pepsi."

"[bed] ME: [with one foot poking out of the covers] Monsters could get me ME: [pulling foot under covers] I am now completely safe"

"Plastic Surgery I loaned a friend 5000 to get plastic surgery last week... I'll never get the money back, I dunno what he looks like now."

"What could be a good name for a really inappropriate French porno? The Princess and the Frog"

"How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? All of them, skyscrapers can't jump."

"What do you call it when Al Capone goes camping? Criminal intent."

"What's the difference between a bucket of sand and a bucket of afterbirth? You can't gargle with the sand."