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Joke of the Day

"I raise the acceptable weight limit of potential sex partners everyday I go without getting laid. Today I hit 2 tons."

"Photographer with really bad eyesight is the happiest because he doesn't need any lenses to see perfect bokeh."

"What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken"

"My neighbor called me an old drunk which really offended me. I'm not that old..."

"Your mom dropped you off today... She was fined for littering"

"How do you jerk off a sprinter? Pull a fast one."

"Alsation: What is your favorite holiday? Chihuahua: Howloween!"

"The difference between Christian wives and Jewish wives? Christian wives have fake jewelry and real orgasms."

"What do you call a man who cleans your house? Dustin."

"What do you call a mexican with two dads? No mames!"