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Joke of the Day

"My daughters took turns tracing each other over and over with chalk. Now it looks like 25 children were murdered in my driveway."

"When it comes to discipline, I think I lack concentration camp."

"Scientist have created five monkeys with autism. They were promptly made mods of r/jokes"

"If smoking is so bad for you How come it cures salmon?"

"I have a good joke. Say ""Knock knock."""

"What part of the body does a woman never move while dancing Her bowels"

"A morning text from me doesn't mean ""good morning"". It means ""I'm having very dirty thoughts about you right now""."

"Me: Excited for the dance? 13yo: No, because you and mom will be there. Me: But I've been workin on my twerkin! 13yo: I need new parents."

"[highspeed chase] ANCIENT GREEK COP: Damn they're getting away *turns on Siren* [several nearby ships are lured to their doom]"

"First Caribou: What well-known cartoon character do moths like a hole lot? Second Caribou: Micky Moth!"