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Joke of the Day

"French Joke Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? It's never been shot and only dropped once!"

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over Me: Idk, but could you move this along? I've had too much to drink and I really need to pee."

"If a flea and a fly pass each other what time is it? Fly past flea."

"I've waited long to say this. I think we should all gift watches to the folks at /r/trees. It's high time."

"I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... ""Come here Stay! Come here Stay!"" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd."

"When a woman says, ""We need to talk"", it's no good. Never has a woman said, ""We need to talk"" and followed it up with ""about pillow forts""."

"That moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, hit a lamp and kill a cat."

"What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep? Banned from the petting zoo."

"""Honey, it's not that I don't like your cooking, it's just that the smoke's about to asphyxiat our family."" ""WHAT'D YOU SAY ABOUT MY ASS??"""

"I bought theater food once. Long story short my son will no longer be going to college.."