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Joke of the Day

"""Honey, it's not that I don't like your cooking, it's just that the smoke's about to asphyxiat our family."" ""WHAT'D YOU SAY ABOUT MY ASS??"""

"With what did the scuba-diver use to cut seaweed? A sea-saw"

"[at the zoo] Llama spits in my face I spit in llamas face Llama slaps me I grab llamas hair Scuffle ensues Llamas gf shouts ""leave it Gary!"""

"What's the difference between a prostitute with irritable bowel syndrome and an epileptic oyster? You have to shuck the oyster between fits."

"People with a sense of humor are so much easier to talk to."

"I don't think The Proclaimers realized how far 500 miles really is."

"Why couldn't Jonah convert the Ninevites? Because he was too inefficient."

"Theres a couple guys at a drinking party.. And they all start an in depth discussion on inkblot drawings"

"I was told to write a report of waffles But I failed because there was to much walfling"

"So I was reaching for the Viagra... But I picked up the tipp-ex by mistake. I woke up with a massive correction."