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Joke of the Day

"*gets fired the first day on the job as an EMT for trying to cook a frozen burrito with the defibrillator*"

"I ran 3 miles this morning, so if I did my math correctly, I can eat 3 pounds of cake today."

"There should be a Photoshop function to automatically remove unwanted trolls from the background of your pictures 'Photo Balm'"

"Life is like a penis. It's soft and squishy until a girl comes along and makes it hard."

"E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight."

"Adult: Someone who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle."

"watching movies with my kids is like getting stuck in a trap on mt everest Tangled and then Frozen"

"The oldest joke in the world: ""How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?"" You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."

"Why don't you say grace when eating Chinese food? Because they run you over with a tank if you do. Found this on Becker, didn't know if I should put this here or goingtohellforthis"

"You know you've seen too many walking dead episodes when your hand gets stung by a bee and you start screaming for everyone to cut it off"