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Joke of the Day

"*gets fired the first day on the job as an EMT for trying to cook a frozen burrito with the defibrillator*"

"Interviewer: Nice, a 4.0. Straight A's! Me: No, blood alcohol content."

"""You're beautiful. No, you're beautiful! No, No, you're Beautiful. No No No. You're beautiful."" -Girls on Facebook Profile Pictures"

"What do you can an epileptic What do you call an epileptic in a garden? Seizure salad. edit: fixed the word 'call'"

"DAE accidentally call the wrong replacement when you can't teach your classroom that day? Whoops, wrong sub"

"Did you hear about the Navy hangar that doubles as a church? It's a house of warship"

"Hitler was hunting in the forests of Germany, but he forbade the harming of male deer because... ...they were Reichstags."

"What's the difference between jokes and pussy? I don't fucking get jokes."

"what kind of pants does the godfather wear? al pa-chinos"

"""Siri, why am I single?"" Siri: opens front face camera"