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Joke of the Day

"Thought this up at work, prolly not funny, whatcha call it when a jew with Jiu-Jitsu skills fights you? Jewhitsyou."

"What do you get when you cross a nymphomaniac with a kleptomaniac? A fucking thief!"

"What do you call pasta sex? pennetration."

"Enrages me when I see guys using cute dogs to pick up chicks. It's like, why did I have kids."

"How do you confused people in the 90s? Tell them ""In 2016, we will be able to refer to someone as ""Sir and/or Ma'am"" And still be assuming someone's gender."""

"Why don't Nazi's like strip clubs? Because, they don't like Poles."

"What's the worst thing you can do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet."

"Gary Johnson in an Interview.. Reporter: Knock Knock! Gary Johnson: Who's there? Reporter: What is Alep Gary Johnson: What is Alepwho? Reporter: a-are you serious?"

"[in bed] Me: got a costume from the Princess Leia slave scene Him: omg yes Me: *disappears to change* *comes back dressed as Jabba the Hutt*"

"i told my cousin to embrace her mistakes. she cried. then she hugged her children."