208521

Joke of the Day

"i told my cousin to embrace her mistakes. she cried. then she hugged her children."

"The masseuse asked if I wanted her to finish me, I said yes & then she ripped my spine out & said ""Flawless Victory!"""

"What do you call that gnarly smell around cow pastures? DAIRY-AIR!"

"Treat her like she's the only girl on Earth. Nothing makes a woman happier than the thought of every other woman disappearing forever."

"So... There was a kidnapping at my school... But don't worry-- he woke up."

"Did you hear about the fire at the convent? Nun survived!"

"So, the KGB walks into a bar... ...and they start, uh... they... I, uh... I don't know. I didn't see *anything*; I swear!"

"My attorney's sole responsibility after I die will be to unfriend people that post anything about angels on my wall."

"1st grade: Color inside the lines. 10th grade: Color outside the lines. Art School: Snort the lines and then go color."

"My cousin found his dad's Viagra, took a handful of the pills, and is now in the hospital... ...with third-degree burns on both of his hands."