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Joke of the Day

"What's the worst thing you can do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet."

"Raise your hand if this is your first time under a helicopter. Ah, sorry to make an example of you Johnson, but that's why we never do that."

"How do you know a vocalist is at your door? She can't find the key and doesn't know where to come in."

"When two gay men get married, whose parents pay for the wedding? Neither, because they're both ashamed of their children's disgusting and sinful lifestyle choices."

"Easy IQ Test: starting from 160, subtract 10 points for each honk of a car alarm before the owner can figure out how to turn it off."

"My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti... You should have seen her face as I drove pasta"

"""I want to take you home, pull off your jacket, run my hand down your spine and curl up with you on the couch."" -- bibliophiles, to books"

"why was Elsa afraid of Sven? because Sven eight nine! hahahahahahahahaha..."

"""OH NO PYTHON whew just my nose. OH NO COBRA nope still my nose. OH NO RATTLESNAKE shit, nose. God I can't live like this."" -Elephant"

"There's a nun at my church who occasionally does stuff involving leather. And I'm okay with that, I really am. Just so long as she doesn't make a habit out of it."