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Joke of the Day

"I don't like being told what to do unless I'm naked."

"When my mom first saw my Facebook she was offended it said I was ""interested in men"" I think because she thought that was a list of hobbies"

"KEIRA KNIGHTLEY DOESN'T EXIST Q: How do you know that Keira Knightley doesn't exist? A: Because the camera adds 10 pounds."

"If I like my job am I a ""gruntled"" employee??"

"People don't make your heart skip a beat. Medical conditions do. Idiots."

"My Canadian 4yo just told me he wants to be Captain America if anyone wants to take a traitor off my hands."

"What does an agnostic ... dyslexic insomniac do at night? He lays awake and wonders if there really is a dog."

"What did the philosopher say to his coworker? ""Cleanup on the detergent aisle"""

"I wonder what appeared over Thomas Edison's head when he got the idea for the light bulb..."

"I don't get why I'm supposed to like someone who's different in the streets and in the sheets sounds duplicitous just be a freak everywhere."