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Joke of the Day

"Boy: *calls 911*......... Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning."

"What's meaner than a pitbull with herpes? The guy who gave it to the pitbull."

"""Needless to say... ..."""

"I may not be the best-looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you."

"What's the difference between my penis and the Three Stooges? Women don't point and laugh at the Three Stooges."

"What's yellow and goes around? A banana in the washing machine."

"Today I quit smoking cold turkey Turns out hot turkey is much better for smoking."

"The impossibility of accepting the offer of a quick drink without first pretending to check your watch"

"My stomach just made a really weird noise. So I'm just going to send a pizza down to check it out."

"Flashing my Costco card at the lady at the entrance is the closest I'll ever get to feeling like I'm on the VIP list at the clubs."