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Joke of the Day

"My stomach just made a really weird noise. So I'm just going to send a pizza down to check it out."

"Why isn't anyone afraid of China? ....Because everyone knows General Tsao's chicken. Heard from a friend today. :)"

"Oh Thursday, you teasy bitch you."

"Something just came up on my computer asking if I trusted it, and now we're running away to start a new life together."

"I'm in a band called Arrogant Rat We're like Modest Mouse but way better"

"Schrodinger: How's my cat, Doc? Vet: I have good news and bad news.."

"Q: What is green and goes a hundred miles per hour? A: A fuel injected pickle."

"Question Does having salt and pepper peubs make my dick look more distinguished?"

"Tip: ""At the same time"" has more characters than ""simultaneously."" The point is, having a vocabulary helps you tweet gooder."

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish person? None"