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Joke of the Day

"In every soap opera we've ever watched, we are taught that running away and leaving doesn't solve our problems Didn't stop the Brits from trying"

"What's the funniest thing the rock said to the geologist ? Nothing. Because rocks don't talk and geology's not funny."

"If Yo Yo Ma doesn't answer the phone by saying ""cello"" then I consider his entire life a failure."

"You have to sit up to drink coffee in bed. I know that now."

"*somehow manages to beep at you sarcastically*"

"Why did the fencer downvote my latest submission? It was a Riposte."

"Wife: Wow, I'm tired Me: Go relax, give me the recipe and I'll make dinner [Five minutes later] Me: Honey, I think we're out of...""oven""?"

"Say ""raise up lights"" out loud. You just said ""razor blades"" with an Australian accent."

"Why I dislike this sub: There's not enough cheese and bacon on it. I think I'll go to a different place for lunch next time."

"I want to form a law practice specializing in sexual harassment suits against medical professionals... I'll call it ""Doctors Without Boundaries"""