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Joke of the Day

"If we are not if we are not meant to have midnight snacks why is there a light in the fridge ?"

"Eventually one of these Republican congressmen is going to find out his daughter is a woman, and then we're all set."

"Took my 3 year old to a lot of historic sites and whale watching today. Asked what her favourite part was and she said, ""The M&M's""."

"Why did the lizard take viagra? He suffered from a reptile disfunction."

"""Can I get 2 boxes of Sudafed?"" ""Sorry, by law you can only buy one at a time."" ""Okay then just the one box of Sudafed and these 7 guns."""

"I feel like if there ever was a zombie apocalypse I'm so numb to them at this point I wouldn't even bat an eye."

"What's brown, and ryhmes with Snoop? Dr. Dre......"

"Laughed hysterically and said ""Oh yes, please do"" after the pizza shop guy asked if he could put the sauce in my box. I think I scared him."

"Why do Central Americans hop the U.S. Border in groups of 4 or more? Because the sign says no tres-passing."

"by far the worst part of becoming an adult is realizing that at no point do you simply obtain all the answers. you just fucking guess."