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Joke of the Day

"I feel like if there ever was a zombie apocalypse I'm so numb to them at this point I wouldn't even bat an eye."

"Toast I'd like to propose a toast, but I'm all out of bread."

"There's a type of bee that after it stings you, you pass out and it tries to have sex with you. It's a Cos-Bee."

"I lost my job at the hospital today for sexual assault.... It's not my fault that they put up a sign that said, 'stroke patients downstairs'."

"What's the difference between pedophiles and acne? Acne waits until you're 13."

"Good guy in movie shot 3 times: I must save my family Me, kinda sore from trampoline sesh: sorry gramma can't make it to your 85th bday"

"I love how baguettes get stale after about 12 hours. Life is so beautiful and fragile."

"Why do asians got to the hospital after voting? Everyone knows that you should see a doctor for an erection that last longer than 4 hours."

"What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's fingers."

"What did one mexican say to the other mexican when there were no room in the van? Yo no space."