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Joke of the Day

"I wish cats came with a counter that told you what life they were on. Number 8 kitty? Maybe you need to work on that attitude."

"Drive down the middle of my street and make me squeeze by you, so I know who to murder first when the apocalypse hits."

"Knock Knock, Who's there? Fuckin' Jenny. Now gild me and give me upvotes."

"There are two kinds of people: Those who know how to do math in binary, and those who don't!"

"What's the difference between a paddling pool and a swimming pool? Deep ends really."

"I hate people who don't finish"

"Jared Fogle got 15 years 8 months. But officer, she told me she was 18!"

"Volkswagen announces it will open a facility in Israel to make a new advanced vehicle... The new models are are so advanced not only will they stop on a dime, they'll actually pick it up."

"Why is North Korea so polluted? They have supreme litter."

"We are all seven Huffington Post slideshows away from finishing a minor task"