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Joke of the Day

"Karen, if you can see this, the tupperware didn't come with the lasagna. The tupperware wasn't a gift"

"Turns out Danny Devito isn't so short after all... ...just found out the figurines on his parents' wedding cake were actual size."

"*Kylo Ren pranks calls Finn* Hey Finn I bet you shop at *dramatic pause* Traitor Joes!!! *High fives Hux*"

"That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you're a guy."

"So I had to call the urologist's office today.... They told me to please hold :("

"If love didn't hurt, it wouldn't be called love...it would be called tacos."

"ME: This house is haunted WIFE [sigh] We've been thru this, that's our son SON: I just have a pale complexion Dad ME: TELL ME YOU HEARD THAT"

"A boy to his mother: Do you know how much suffering the poor beast had to endure for you to get this fur coat? My boy, you mustn't talk so disrespectfully about your father."

"What do you call it if you put an IED on an Italian? Rigatoni!"

"You can't spell Meek Mill.. ..without two consecutive L's."