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Joke of the Day
"My first joke ever... Seriously Why did the chick cross the road? To get to the cock!"
Next Joke
"What happens if you cross a snowman and a vampire? You get a frostbite."
"Put a load in the dishwasher last night She was mad I didn't pull out."
"My new app is called Tech Bubble. It makes all the other app icons on your phone float around like bubbles. Current valuation: $3 trillion."
"I'm not saying she's a sl*t but whenever she eats a banana in public, she puts one hand behind her head."
"Man, you don't know how hard it is to quit smoking It's as hard as it is to start flossing - Mitch Hedberg I miss this man every day :("
"99 problems. 99 bottles of beer on the wall. Problems solved."
"I saved my husband's life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax."
"[restaurant] Man *proposing to his gf*: ""Will you make me the happiest man alive?"" [me, alone, eating nachos a table over] ""Not possible"""
"Maybe middle America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact."