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Joke of the Day

"Recent studies have shown that Apple is trailing behind Samsung in innovation Experts predict that it will take at least another two years for iPhones to bring explosive features to the market."

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"What do you call it when you torture corn to death? Macabre!"
"My wife said the infinity scarf I got her is too small and I said: ""That's mathematically impossible."" Anyhoo, we're divorced now."
"""You break it, you buy it""... Uh, hell no. I break it, I leave it, and awkwardly walkout.."
"So, I was talking to my friend who runs a scrap yard. I asked how business was... ... He replied: ""pretty good, I've seen a bit of a pickup recently."""
"Why isn't there a Jared's for boys? Oh wait, there is."
"What's the correct instrument for measuring how fat your mom is? A size-mom-meter"
"Two translators are on a sinking ship... The first says: ""Do you know how to swim?"" The second says: ""No but I can shout for help in 19 different languages"""
"What kind of pizza do pilots like? Plain."
"When you complain about dropping your phone remember that there are people who are starving who'll totally make you another one."