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Joke of the Day

"Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook."

"*Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman all avoiding eye contact with Aquaman as he walks in to work & sees Michael Phelps sitting at his desk*"

"According to a new study, the number of car crashes linked to marijuana has risen. Fortunately, when the cars crashed they were all going eight miles per hour."

"Who is currently leading in the Pirate Party Polls? Noone. Pirates don't have poles, they have masts."

"I'm sick of people saying, ""Its political correctness gone mad!"" That's offensive. You should say ""Its political correctness gone mentally ill""."

"It's always Sunny in Florida Until the filthy Shia move into the neighborhood."

"What is worse than waking up with your dick in your mouth after sleeping with your gf? Waking up with her dick in your mouth"

"My 82 year old grandmother is still healthy and active. She doesn't even need glasses. She drinks her whiskey straight from the bottle."

"Did you hear about the writer that became a tailor? He had to make an Ernest living, the Hemingway."

"What happened to the man who died from drinking Shellac? He had a *lovely finish*."