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Joke of the Day

"What is worse than waking up with your dick in your mouth after sleeping with your gf? Waking up with her dick in your mouth"

"What kind of dogs are full of Chinese scientists? Yellow labs"

"Go green by saying no to diapers. Simply swap out your poop-covered baby for a clean one."

"Can't wait for the next Jason Bourne movie. I heard he becomes a Christian and starts a church for ex-treadstone agents... It's called Bourne Again"

"87% of my day is spent remembering my kids names and my anniversary and stuff and the other 57% is trying to do math."

"Angry kids are like toys. Wind them up and watch them go."

"What did one stoplight say to the other stoplight? Don't look! I'm changing!"

"What's the plural of Ebola West Africa Credit goes to /u/Malfunkdung"

"me: when I was your age there was a band called Hoobastank grandson: his mind is clearly degraded. that cannot be true. the old man is dying"

"I'm surprised that more people don't shoot at the signs on Target stores."