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Joke of the Day

"4 is currently using scissors to whittle down a pencil. This will be a valuable skill if she ever goes to prison and needs to make a shank."

"I'm sorry I threw up all over your carpet when you referred to your spouse as your ""lover""."

"Why do tampons have strings? So crabs can go bungee jumping"

"How could a leper afford a nice house? It cost an arm and a leg"

"People who say ""no regrets"" just have too many regrets to keep track of."

"I hate using a plunger... they work the shit out of me."

"My dad would always say this, I don't know if this classifies as a joke, but it's funny I'm busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest Also: That smell could knock a buzzard off a shitpile"

"Which nut could pimp the Prince of Darkness? Mack-a-Dameon."

"Hipsters I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is ""conjoined twins""."

"A missionary noticed a particularly happy cannibal Missionary: Joe, you look unusually cheery today. CannibalJoe: Today wife gave me head"