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Joke of the Day

"Don't be sad when your exes unfollow you. It just means they'll spend more time manually checking your updates"

"Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't work!"

"The greatest pickup line of all time... Let's be friends."

"Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher? He couldn't control his pupils!"

"I was going to tell a gay joke... butt fuck it."

"""I enjoy long walks on the bitch."" -a flea's online dating profile"

"What did the math teacher tree say to the music teacher tree? Nice log rhythms"

"My sex life is a lot like the Olympic 100m final. I wait 4 years for it and it's over in less than 10 seconds."

"Carrying a warm burrito in the big front pocket of my sweatshirt is the closest I'll ever come to understanding motherhood."

"Going to a party tonight, but keeping it mellow. One or two glasses of cocaine and that's it."